93 (All) Funny Christmas Card Sayings

Store-bought Christmas cards can be boring and full of cliches. Spread holiday cheer and laughs with these unique and funny Christmas card sayings!

As we head into the Christmas season, I encourage you to enjoy and spread as much good cheer as you can. After the past couple of years, we could all benefit from having a Happy Christmas or a merry-any-holiday you celebrate! To those who believe and celebrate differently than you do, spread them just as holiday cheer!

Spread Holiday Cheer With Funny Christmas Cards!

Remember The Code of Elves from the movie Elf? Number three was, “The best way to spread Christmas cheer is by sending funny Christmas cards.” Okay, maybe the actual Code of Elves said, “Singing loud for all to hear,” but sometimes that doesn’t do the trick.

Outside of a funny movie, annoying, awful singing may spread more agitation than cheer. To solve this problem, I offer you these funny Christmas card sayings!

Do you think your friends and family members save and treasure all the Christmas cards you send them? Nope. They do the same thing you do. They throw away your cards when they take down their decorations—assuming the cards last that long.

Give them something to hang on to, not the usual, boring greeting card from a grocery store. Give them the gift of a good laugh! Here are lots of ideas for you to make and send your own funny holiday cards!

Even handwriting a few sayings on a sheet of notebook paper would be something funny and unique! Remember in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire when the Dursleys sent harry a single tissue for a Christmas present? Try to tell me that didn’t make you laugh.

Even if it’s sarcastic and funny rather than mushy and gushy (and cliche!), your loved ones will appreciate a humorous, personal message. Just don’t tell them you got it here. Or better yet, spread the spirit to Christmas by directing them straight to this post!

Funny Christmas Sayings For Homemade Christmas Cards

Anyone can go to the store and purchase a box of cheesy, gushy (boring) Christmas card messages that will elicit more cringe than holiday cheer. Do something different this year. Make your own cards. Even if you simply write down a few of these funny Christmas card sayings and send them on a tissue, you’ll make someone’s day!

“I spent a long time choosing the perfect Christmas card that will look good in your garbage.”

“Happy holidays from someone using environmental friendliness as an excuse for being too cheap and lazy to send an actual card.”

“Merry Christmas! I hope you like the Christmas present you told me to buy for you.”

“That warm feeling isn’t just the Christmas spirit. I think you left the oven on.”

“Sure, being on the Nice List may get you more presents, but being Naughty is its own reward.”

“The Nice List can’t handle me.”

“Proud members of the Naughty List!”

“I hope your smiles will be as big as your credit card bill this Christmas! I wish you good luck and a lot of fun. Happy Christmas!”

“It’s beginning to cost a lot like Christmas.”

“A broken drum is always the best Christmas gift. It simply can’t be beat!”

“Zen Christmas: the gift of nothingness.”

“Happy holidays from the jolliest bunch of elves this side of the nuthouse.”

“Another Christmas already? Seriously, what the elf?”

“Keep Calm and jingle all the way.”

“Have a cool yule and swell noel.”

“Don we now our ugly sweaters.”

“May all your sweaters be ugly and bright!”

“May your gifts be many, and your returns and exchanges be few.”

Custom Christmas Cards From Our Favorite Movies

I found a few movie lines and sayings inspired by movies that will make great homemade Christmas cards.

“Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal!”

“Congratulations – you’ve won a Major Award!”

“You have such a pretty face. You should be on a Christmas Card!”

“In a world full of Scrooges, be a Grinch! At least he has a cute puppy. Merry Christmas!”

“Norman Vincent Peale said, ‘Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful.’ Well, I say, ‘Accio Presents!‘”

“The Grinch is my Patronus.”

Funny Christmas Card Sayings About Santa

I think the Big Guy deserves his own section. Maybe I feel bad for him that so many out there insist that he doesn’t exist. Perhaps I just wanted to split up the lists, so the page is easier to read. Either way, here are the custom Christmas card sayings about jolly ol’ Saint Nick!

“I might not believe in Santa, but I still believe in a good Christmas card!”

“When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas!”

“Santa Clause exists, and he has to work during the holidays. How pathetic!”

“Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.”

“When you stop believing in Santa is when you start getting underwear!”

“I hope Santa fills our socks with cash instead of gifts and toys. I know you hope for the same. I wish you a happy Christmas!”

“Dear Santa, before I explain, how much do you know already?”

“There are four stages in life:

  1. You believe in Santa Claus.
  2. You don’t believe in Santa Claus.
  3. You are Santa Claus.
  4. You look like Santa Claus.”

“Dear Santa, Define good.”

“Santa saw your Facebook – you’re getting a dictionary this year!”

“Keep Calm and Wait For Santa.”

“It’s all fun and games’ till Santa checks the Naughty List.”

Funny Christmas Card Sayings About Eating and Drinking

One of the primary reasons we look forward to the holiday chaos–I mean, the holiday season is the food and drinks! Many of us ease up on our eating routines and enjoy a few more sweets and treats. This is especially true at holiday parties and dinners.

In honor of eating, drinking, and being merry, here are a few funny sayings about food and drinks.

‘Tis the season for leftovers and stretchy pants. Best wishes during this delicious time. Happy holidays!

“Wishing you the merriest of Christmases and the easiest time shopping! Speaking of which, I love Starbucks and Disney.”

“A very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Let’s hope it’s a good one with a much-needed beer.”

“Wishing you a Merry Christmas filled with good cheer and even better beer.”

“Time to get into the Christmas spirit – whiskey, gin, rum.”

“Wishing you a most wine-derful Time this year!”

“Dashin’ through Merlot.”

“Wishing you a Merry Christmas filled with good times and even better wine.”

“The Christmas tree isn’t the only thing getting lit this year.”

“Have yourself a merry little Christmas. Let your hangover be light.”

“Christmas is not about presents. It’s about family. And spiral ham! Mostly, who in the family is bringing the spiral ham?”

“I can’t brie-lieve how cheesy this Christmas card is. As always, spreading love and cheer!”

Shayne.Fun’s Improved Christmas Wishes

When I look for something online and can’t find it, that topic usually becomes a blog post. When I searched for funny Christmas sayings to get ideas for custom cards, I was shocked at what I found.

Web pages would promise high numbers of funny Christmas card sayings, but they mostly offered serious sayings. Talk about a bag of coal! Or a page of fluff!

Not wanting you to come here and read through pages of dull Christmas wishes you’ve already heard year after year, I decided to improve upon some of them.  I wanted every one of the funny Christmas card sayings on this page to at least be an attempt at funny.

Funny Christmas Card Sayings That Didn’t Use to Be Funny

I was somewhat disappointed, thinking I would be treated to some funny sayings and only seeing the tedious, sappy messages I’ve heard hundreds of times. So I borrowed a few of them and enhanced them. Enjoy these customized versions of some of those sayings.

“The gift of love. The gift of peace. The gift of happiness. May all these be yours at Christmas. You can begin now by crossing every mention of fruitcake and every trip to the Kohl’s Christmas gadget section off your shopping list!

“Merry Christmas! This coming year, may you be gifted with countless blessings. And a bottomless bag of Starbucks or Amazon gift cards!

“This Christmas, give the gift of love and the gift of joy, and you will receive the gift of the Lord. But don’t regift me the gift I gave you last Christmas. Seriously, Walmart will take anything back.

“So very merry! Warmest wishes from our growing family to yours for a happy holiday season! Feel free to come to pick up a few of these rugrats for a few days any time!

“As the tree is evergreen, let the spirit of Christmas ever warm our hearts. Unless you didn’t water the tree. Keep that thing watered! You’ll never be able to vacuum up all those needles.

“May you have the gift of faith, the blessing of hope, and the peace of His love at Christmas and always. And may you not have any of the same gifts you gave me the past few years. You really need should out of Kohl’s!

“Warmest thoughts and best wishes for a wonderful holiday season. May peace, love, and prosperity follow you always. My credit card bills from holiday shopping only follow you for a couple of months.”

How Do You Like the Improved Versions?

“Good tidings to you and happy Christmas for today and all the Christmases to come. Speaking of the tide. Are you also ready for a trip to the beach?

“Warmest wishes for a happy Holiday season and a wonderful New Year. We say ‘warmest wishes’ every year.  Maybe it’s time we spent Christmas in Cancun!

“It’s the most wonderful time of the year! We hope you have a very merry Christmas and enjoy the warmth and magic of the holiday season. But not that kind of magic where all your money magically disappears.

“May the true spirit of Christmas fill your heart and your home with joy today and into the coming year. And may the spirits of your favorite liquor store fill your cabinets today!

“May the coming year bless you with life’s every wealth. In this season, when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money!

“May all the sweet magic of Christmas conspire to gladden your heart and fill every desire. And may your sisters not conspire to make a better green bean casserole.”

I know I’m picking on Kohl’s here. Don’t get me wrong. I love Kohl’s Department Store! What pieces of my wardrobe I didn’t buy as a travel souvenir or pick out of a lost-and-found, I probably bought off a discount rack at Kohl’s.

Please, though. Their tempting aisles of gadgets during the joyous holiday season of shopping are terrible gifts.

Funny Christmas Card Sayings to Send With Photos

People love pictures. From Walgreens, Walmart, and CVS, you can print, customize, and mail photos. They’re pretty inexpensive too. Since we always wait until the last minute, we use whichever one can print on time. You can add customized captions to your photos.

Here are a few great ideas for photo captions.

“Season’s greetings!” [With an image or drawing of salt and pepper shakers.]

“Dear Santa, it was the cat.” [With a picture of your dog.]

“Feliz Naughty-Dog!”

“Holiday greetings from the doghouse!” [With a picture of your dog.]

“Daschund through the snow!”

Funny Christmas Card Sayings For That Special Someone

Christmas time is a great time to let that special someone know just how special they are to you. They’re expecting it! You can try to let them know how special they are with the same old gifts, like jewelry or ties, or you can surprise them with a custom Christmas card!

Remember the gift of a lifetime of memories: Why you should give the gift of travel.

“I’m trying something new this Christmas. I’m going to wrap myself up and sleep under the Christmas tree, so you’ll finally understand what a gift I am to you.”

“You are the star on my Christmas tree, the marshmallows in my cocoa, and the Rudolph for my sleigh! Here’s to another wonderful Christmas together!”

“You’re the most precious gift I could ever ask for. I Caribbean about you so much! Wait. Did I say, “Caribbean?” I meant care! Also, hint. hint.”

“You were missing from Santa’s Naughty List and Nice List, so I told him to search for your name on his gorgeous [handsome] list. I bet he’ll find it there!”

“I’d tell you what I want for Christmas, but I would end up on the naughty list.”

“Have you seen one of those commercials where the Christmas gift is a brand new car with a big red bow? Well, we’re not doing that.”

“Let’s you and me be naughty and save Santa a trip.”

“On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me… Honey, I hope you kept the receipt?

Funny Christmas Card Sayings If Someone is in Quarantine

It could happen. I’m in quarantine as I write this. Don’t let any opportunity for a bit of humor go to waste. If you can’t be together, try to make the most of your unpleasant situation with a bit of humor.

“From our bubble to yours, we wish you a very Merry Christmas and a happy holiday season! Stay safe and take care.”

“Merry Christmas! Don’t worry. This card has been Santa-tized!”

“Don we now our facial coverings, mmbl mmbl mmble.”

“Sorry, we’re quarantined. We wish you a healthy holiday without us and enjoy all the political rambling at dinner!”

“2020 and 2021 were elfed up! Let’s have a better…Uhm….2023 hopefully!”

“This card has been Santa-tized for your protection!”

“He sees you when you’re sleeping.
He knows when you’re awake.
He knows if you’ve been washing your hands,
so wash them for 20 seconds, for goodness sake!”

“We hope being in quarantine doesn’t make you too Claus-trophobic!  Merry Christmas!

Funny Christmas Quotes

If all else fails (or wildly succeeds is more like it), here are a few funny quotes I’ve curated for your amusement and generous cheer.

“There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus.”
– Bob Phillips

“Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year.”
-Victor Borge

“Of course, there is a Santa Claus. It’s just that no single somebody could do all he has to do. So the Lord has spread the task among us all. That’s why everybody is Santa Claus. I am. You are.”
—Truman Capote, One Christmas

“Santa Claus wears a Red Suit. He must be a communist. And a beard and long hair must be a pacifist. What’s in that pipe that he’s smoking?”
– Arlo Guthrie

“Remember that the important thing is not what you give or how you wrap it. The important thing, during this very special time of year, is that you save the receipt.”
– Dave Barry

“My husband’s idea of getting the Christmas spirit is to become Scrooge.”
– Melanie White

“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.”
– Shirley Temple

Wait. Is that funny? That seems rather sad to me.

“You can tell a lot about a person by the way they handle three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.”
-Maya Angelou

“One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don’t clean it up too quickly.”
– Andy Rooney

“Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.”
– Johnny Carson

“Money’s scarce. Times are hard. Here’s your f#$%ing. Xmas card”.
― Phyllis Diller

Question: Which are Your Favorite Funny Christmas card sayings?

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